I've had an MS flare-up this month that has really kicked my butt in ways that it hasn't in years. I think I can express my pain, frustration, and sadness best through poetry.
I have lived with chronic illness for 22 years
This awful month of cold, snow-darkness
My legs are betraying me again
8 months of difficult work in physical therapy - gone
Three day treatment - did not help
Of course, I will begin again
Through physical pain
Through lack of understanding by others
Through my anger
Through my tears
Through my laughter.
I feel betrayed
By my body - again
By the people in my life who don't really want to hear
about how difficult this is.
I am not feeling sorry for myself nor my friends who live with this disease
Of course, I will begin again.
Through patience with myself and others
Through understanding
Through love
I begin again the daily work of moving my body from point A to B
By not allowing MS to win;
It may in the end,
but that is not now.
So, I begin again
to work hard on moving my body
in yoga
at home
exercise to stave off
weakness,
atrophy,
despair.
I will begin again
To let go,
to heal.
to heal.
