February has been a difficult month.

I've had an MS flare-up this month that has really kicked my butt in ways that it hasn't in years.  I think I can express my pain, frustration, and sadness best through poetry.

I have lived with chronic illness for 22 years

This awful month of cold, snow-darkness

My legs are betraying me again

8 months of difficult work in physical therapy - gone

Three day treatment - did not help

Of course, I will begin again

Through physical pain

Through lack of understanding by others

Through my anger 

Through my tears

Through my laughter.

I feel betrayed

By my body - again

By the people in my life who don't really want to hear 

about how difficult this is.

I am not feeling sorry for myself nor my friends who live with this disease

Of course, I will begin again.

Through patience with myself and others

Through understanding

Through love

I begin again the daily work of moving my body from point A to B

By not allowing MS to win;

It may in the end,

but that is not now.

So, I begin again

to work hard on moving my body

in yoga 

at home

exercise to stave off

weakness,

atrophy,

despair.

I will begin again 

To let go,
to heal.